Saturday Night Ramblings

• John Maine, why can’t you pitch like this every start? And David Wright, couldn’t you have just thrown the ball into the stands so it would have been ruled an error? Seriously.

• This was a big week for collectibles for me. I got my Alternate Edition Premium Format Buffy on Tuesday, then on Friday I got my Mary Jane Watson Comiquette. Both products are from Sideshow Toys, and both are just stunning. The MJ in particular really needs to be seen in person to be appreciated.

• On a related note, Tim Sale (the artist for Spider-Man: Blue and “Heroes” among other things) is going to be at Big Apple Con in November. PooZ and I are going to try to go, and I’m going to try and get my Spider-Man: Blue set signed. I’ve already got the whole set signed by writer Jeph Loeb, so it’ll be awesome to have both on there. Once I do, I’ll get all six individual issues framed with the two pieces of original art I have.

• I’ve been trying to keep up with all the TV debuts this week, but I realized I’m DVR’ing more TV than I have time to watch. I’m up to 19 series, which total 16 hours of TV a week. And that doesn’t even include all the time I spend watching sports (or SportsCenter). Plus, my Netflix queue is rolling through HD-DVD movies right now, which I really want to watch. That said, here are some early grades for the 2007-08 TV season:

• Chuck: B+. I was pleasantly surprised by this show. I saw a lot of myself in the main character, and the story looks like it’ll be fun. Plus, Adam Baldwin!
• How I Met Your Mother: B-. When Enrique Iglesias showed up as Robin’s boyfriend from Argentina, I threw my remote up in the air and said “I’m done.” The last thing I wanted was for this show to turn into a “Friends” clone (more so than it already is), and Gael had all the makings of Paulo (“Friends” fans know what I’m talking about). But the rest of the episode was awesome. Mandy Moore is hot as anything, and the return of Slap Bet! This season has potential (too bad it won’t have more Moore).
• Heroes: A. This season’s premiere had almost everything I wanted, and it was just a whole lot of awesome. Parkman is more of a badass now, which is just cool. Plus HRG (I still don’t like calling him “Noah”) is a much more likable character, especially after his blowup at work.
• Journeyman: B. I still feel like this is a “Quantum Leap” rehash, but obviously it’s got some differences, and besides, what’s not to like about a guy traveling through time, making things better, not sure of why or how he’s doing it?
• Bones: B-. The first episode confused me. If they were planning on bringing Zac back right away, then why spend so much time introducing that other guy. I’m not sure I care about the Angela’s husband storyline. But the final twist of the premiere grabbed me (not solving the case, essentially introducing a multi-episode serial character).
• Reaper: A-. A funny, well-written, quality show from the CW? Holy crap, I’m confused. This show has a TON of promise, and the premiere was pretty damn good.
• Bionic Woman: C+. This show obviously had to spend a lot of time setting everything up, which it did solidly, but not spectacularly. By the end of the episode, I was at least sold enough to stick around for next week. Also, it’s worth mentioning that the preview I watched for this show had the kid sister as a hearing-impaired character, a sub-plot that has been dropped for the actual series (some reports say there was pressure from hearing impaired groups, since the actress wasn’t actually deaf -- I don’t know if that’s the case, but the sign language used in the promo was just terrible).
• Smallville: C-. Seriously, if it weren’t for Erica Durance, I’m pretty sure I would have stopped watching this show after James Marters’s guest run was over. As it is, I’m pretty much committed ‘til it ends, and it’s not terrible, but it’s just not that great. Plus, if you know ANYTHING about the Superman mythology, this show just hurts. This season is no different. There’s already about half a dozen things that have happened in the first episode that go against anything anyone knows about the Superman character.

• I’ve still got “Dirty Sexy Money”, “Big Shots”, “Ghost Whisperer” and “Moonlight” on my DVR from this week, plus two episodes of “Gossip Girl” to catch up on. No idea when I’m going to find the time to do that.

• Actually, that’s not true. I’d probably have already watched all of them already if I hadn’t been playing “Heavenly Sword” on the PS3 (yes, I broke down and bought one. It’s awesome. Geoff will back me up on this). “Heavenly Sword” might be the most beautiful game I’ve ever played. I don’t care that it’s only about 7-8 hours of game play (online estimates of 5 hours are pretty low, unless you play it perfectly). It was damn fun (yes, “was”, I already beat it) and it looks amazing -- not just because the main character is hot, but because the level of detail is incredible. I haven’t played an Xbox 360 game that’s come close yet (and the only 360 game I’ve had as much fun playing is actually “Rockstar Table Tennis”).

• Holy crap, this edition of Ramblings went on very long. For that, I apologize. But I do hope you enjoyed it. Now time to watch LeBron rock this shit on SNL.

Three to Get Ready: September 29-Oct. 1

A look ahead at the three sporting events I’ll be watching this weekend (and yes, because of the NFL season, Monday counts as part of the weekend).

September 29
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 ET on NBC

This counts as a sporting event for this week, only because LeBron James is hosting. I am a fan of all things LeBron, so I’ll definitely be watching this one. Plus, for those that aren’t as big on LeBron as I am, Kanye West is the musical guest, and I’m pretty sure he’ll put on a good show.

September 30
Marlins at Mets, 1 ET on WPIX
This could actually be a meaningless game for the Mets, who now trail the Phillies by a game in the NL East and could be eliminated Saturday (and if you’ve been reading my site, you know I eliminated the Mets on Wednesday). Still, it is the season finale, and it’s not on SNY, so I can actually watch it. Plus, who knows, maybe the Phillies can live up to their history by choking harder than the Mets.

October 1
Patriots at Bengals, 8:30 ET on ESPN
Barring some strange results on Saturday and Sunday in the National League, this will actually be the ONLY sporting event to watch Monday. No baseball, no basketball, no regular-season hockey (which does start this weekend in London, but then doesn’t resume until Wednesday) and no college football. So the NFL’s got the spotlight all to itself. Of course, that spotlight was probably stolen by Bill Belichick so he could use it to improve the lighting for his illegal taping of opposing coaches’ signals. Or maybe Robert Kraft stole the spotlight so no one could shine it on the giant hole where Connecticut’s professional football team is supposed to be. Yeah, that’s right, I’m still bitter. Fuck the Patriots. I hope Chad Johnson scores 3 touchdowns, then dances on Randy Moss’s corpse, while Bridget Moynahan and Gisele get in a threesome with Carson Palmer. Fuckin’ Patriots.

Fave 5 - Mets Moments from 2007

Years from now, the record will show that the Mets season in 2007 ended on September 30th. However, true fans know it really ended Wednesday. All that’s left is the formality of the rest of this collapse, culminating with a 10-game home losing streak that results in them finishing 2 games behind the Phillies in the East and a game out of an NL Wild Card playoff.

Still, there are plenty of good memories from this season. In fact, here are my Fave 5, since at this point it doesn’t seem like anything from the rest of this week will crack the list.

5. Moises Alou’s 30-game hit streak
If there’s one Met who can’t be blamed for this disastrous September, it’s Moises. Sure, he missed a lot of time this season, but that’s left him fresh for September, when he’s gone on the longest hit streak in team history. It’s also the longest hit streak in modern baseball history (since 1900) by a guy over the age of 40. So Moises still has some life left in those old bones.

4. Aug. 31-Sept. 4: 5-Game Win Streak
Yeah, a 5-game win streak doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it’s, sadly, the Mets LONGEST of the season. Those heady days way back on September 4th were so sweet. For the longest time this season, it looked like the Mets would become the first team ever to make the playoffs without winning 5 straight. Then they finally won 5 straight. Now they won’t make the playoffs. How ironic.

3. September 3rd: Pedro Martinez returns
He’s not the Pedro of old, but he’s still pretty damn good. In fact, in 4 starts this month, he’s 3-0 with a 2.57 ERA. The one game he didn’t win, he went 6 innings and gave up just one run, but the ‘pen blew it. If the Mets somehow do make the playoffs, Pedro will be a big reason why.

2. May 29th: Carlos Delgado walk-off HR
Carlos Delgado has had a pretty shitty season, but for this one game, he was a hero. It was like old times at Shea, with Armando Benitez blowing the game, only this time it was for the Giants. Delgado’s homer came right after Jose Reyes had forced Benitez into a balk, allowing Reyes to score the tying run and taking the pressure off Delgado, who delivered in a big way.

1. September 12th: Mets beat Braves, 4-3
Shawn Green drives in a run in the bottom of the 8th, Billy Wagner gets the save in the 9th and the Mets beat the Braves (always a good thing) and stretch their lead in the NL East to 7 games. It seemed like things were over then. You know what happened next: the Phillies came into town, swept 3 straight, and it’s been downhill since. But we’ll always have September 12th.

Monday Night Ramblings

• OK, I’m sorry about the lack of updates last week, but I got busy with work and then PooZ’s wedding. So nothing. My bad. I could have at least warned you or something. Still, I’ve come up with a pretty sweet Fave 5 for this week. Also, there’s a Web Gallery of the wedding pictures available for your perusal. I know there’s not a lot of me in there, but I generally don’t pass my iPhone off to other people to take pictures of me. But I’m waiting for someone else who took pictures to get them up online, so you can see the visual evidence that PooZ and I totally pulled off the Kid N Play dance (with the feet taps) while “Here Comes the Hotstepper” was blasting. Yes, we rock.

• Also, you may notice I’m calling this post “ramblings” instead of “quick hits”. I’ve decided to re-name my multi-topic posts, since none of them are really “quick” by any stretch of the imagination.

• Speaking of things that won’t be quick: my thoughts on yesterday afternoon’s Redskins loss. Holy fuck. First off, defense: you want to wrap up sometime soon? Maybe, once in awhile? Just a thought. Ok, but beyond that, could Joe Gibbs maybe get a decent fucking play called down at the one-yard line. Spiking the ball one first down with 58 seconds left was just retarded. Try just pushing it forward with Campbell and see what happens. Worst case, it’s 2nd down with 52 seconds left. I don’t like the screen pass on 2nd down, but it’s not completely horrible. But after that, WHAT THE FUCK?! Ladell Betts is 5-11, 225 lbs. Clinton Portis is 5-11, 223 lbs. So those 2 extra pounds make Betts the “big” back who gets the goal line carries?! FUCK?! Here’s an idea: put your BEST DAMN PLAYER ON THE DAMN FIELD! Fuck Ladell Betts. OK, I’m better now. Actually, that’s a lie, but I’m gonna stop ranting about it, because I’ve got other things to discuss.

• Actually, that’s a lie too... seriously, you have to go with your BEST back in a situation like that, regardless of if he’s your “goal line” back or not. It reminds me of the 2006 Rose Bowl when USC went for it on 4th down with LenDale White, with Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush on the sidelines. You have to go with your BEST player if you want to win. And Ladell Betts is not the Redskins best player. Not by a long shot.

• Yesterday, I missed the season premiere of The Simpsons. I hadn’t programmed my DVR for the fall yet, and didn’t think I had to worry about The Simpsons, because FOX doesn’t usually premiere its shows until after the World Series. But because TBS has the first round of the MLB postseason, FOX got its premieres on the air at a normal time of year. I’ll track down The Simpsons eventually.

• By the way, since I’m a huge dork, I need to update you on my dork-ness of the week. In transit to me right now are both the Mary Jane comiquette and the alternate Premium Format Buffy from Sideshow Toys. These are two of my most-wanted pieces and they’ll both be here by the end of the week. I’m so psyched! (yes, I’m a huge dork, and I love it!)

This Week in “Buffy” History: September 24-30

September 24

2001 - Angel Episode 3.01 “Heartthrob” airs on The WB

2002 - Episode 7.01 “Lessons” airs on UPN

September 25

1954 - Randy Thompson born (played Dr. Kriegel in Season 5 of Angel)

1977 - Clea DuVall born (played Marcie Ross on Episode 1.11 “Out of Mind, Out of Sight”)

September 26

2000 - Episode 5.01 “Buffy vs Dracula” airs on The WB

2000 - Angel Episode 2.01 “Judgement” airs on The WB

September 29

1973 - Brad Kane born (played Tucker Wells on Episode 3.20 “The Prom”)

1997 - Episode 2.03 “School Hard” airs on The WB (debut of James Marsters)

1998 - Episode 3.01 “Anne” airs The WB

2007 Fall TV Preview

I’m not gonna lie, I watch a LOT of TV. Part of it is my job, but I watch way more than just sports. In fact, pretty much every night of the week, there’s at least one show that I watch regularly. Plus, every fall, I add new shows to my rotation to see if they’re any good. So here’s what I’m looking at for the Fall TV Season. Yes, I realize it’s way too packed. And this doesn’t even include “Lost” or “24”, which don’t return until midseason (oh, and Monday Night Football also isn’t listed on here, though you can be assured that I’ll be watching plenty of that). And in case your hopes were a little too high for this TV season, Stewie and Brian will set you straight.

Monday
8pm - How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
As I said last year, you put a former “Buffy” star in a show (in this case, Alyson Hannigan) and I’ll watch it. That said, this show is among the funniest on television today. Neil Patrick Harris is outstanding on a weekly basis, and the rest of the cast is solid. That said, I need some progress toward the main premise of the show (check the title for details), if I’m gonna stick with this one.

8pm - Chuck (NBC)
OK, so look, obviously the idea of watching a show about a thinly-veiled version of the Geek Squad kind of hurts me, but the idea of a regular guy thrust into secret agent life is kind of cool (and not just because I constantly wish I could do something like that). Plus, ever since “Alias” went off the air, I’ve been yearning for an espionage show I could get behind.


9pm - Heroes (NBC)
This was by far the breakout show of 2006-07, and I have very high hopes for this year. There are still plenty of storylines that need to be tied up from the season finale, and I’m sure there will be great characters introduced this season (including one played by Kristen Bell of the late “Veronica Mars”). I’m hoping for a Claire and Hiro focused season, since I really don’t care about Niki/Jessica, and Peter and Nathan are starting to bore me. Also, they’ve added David Anders to the cast this year (you may remember him as Mr. Sark from “Alias”) which should be awesome.

10pm - Journeyman (NBC)
The show description from NBC’s web site: a romantic mystery-drama about Dan Vasser, a San Francisco newspaper reporter and family man who inexplicably begins to travel through time and change people’s lives. So basically a new twist on “Quantum Leap”. I can’t even begin to express how fine with that I am. Hopefully this won’t get cancelled after 3 weeks (though I can’t say I have much faith in the networks).

Tuesday
8pm - Bones (FOX)
Let me just say this: the minute Bones and Booth get together, I’m done. Because the show will only go downhill from there. Right now, the sexual tension between them is perfect to offset the procedural drama that is the main story of the show. It wouldn’t be the same without that.

8:30 - Carpoolers (ABC)
This show wasn’t even on my radar until about a week ago, when I started seeing commercials for it. I’ve always liked Jerry O’Connell, going back to “Sliders”, and honestly, I could use a little more comedy in my life. I could see this going one of two ways: either this show is really funny and it becomes something I watch every week without fail, or the jokes fall flat in the first few episodes and it quickly gets deleted from my DVR schedule.

9pm - Reaper (CW)
Another comedy that could very easily quickly fall off the radar. But here’s the thing, comedies about Satan are usually gold! This show’s premise is just quirky enough to work. Plus, let’s be honest, Missy Peregrym is hot as all hell (pun fully intended), and I’m willing to watch this for a few weeks just to see her.

Wednesday
9pm - Bionic Woman (NBC)
My first thought when I saw they were re-making this show was that once again Hollywood has run out of ideas. However, when I saw the preview, I was very impressed. And besides, with all the advances in actual technology in the past 30 years, isn’t this a concept worth revisiting? Plus, I feel pretty confident that this will get at least a full season run, thanks to the money NBC has put behind it.

10pm - Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
I’m still 50/50 on this one. It reminds me a little too much of “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (not in actual content, but in pre-show buzz and supposed strength of cast). Plus, whenever I see a commercial for it, I feel like it’s a promo for the Hilton family, and I hate them in real life, so why would I watch a fictionalized version of them?

Thursday
8pm - Smallville (CW)
I don’t know why I still watch this show. I started watching it two seasons ago when James Marsters was added to the cast. Maybe I have some weird hope that he’ll come back and bring at least one decent actor to the show. But it’s not happening. And instead they just continue to shit on the Superman legacy. I hope this is the last season. I don’t think I can take much more.

8:30pm - 30 Rock (NBC)
The other big breakout show from NBC last season, “30 Rock” didn’t pull in huge ratings, but the network stuck by it and brought it back for another season. If you’re not watching it, you should be. It’s better than Saturday Night Live (the show it spoofs/mimics) and it’s very smart. I think Tina Fey is brilliant, and Alec Baldwin has found his niche in a comedic role. Plus, it doesn’t really ask you to get invested from week-to-week like so many other shows do.

10pm - Big Shots (ABC)
I’m now re-reading the description of this show, and I’m not sure why I thought I’d enjoy it. Honestly, it might just be on my radar because of Michael Vartan (from “Alias”) and Joshua Malina (from “Sports Night”). At this point, I don’t see the harm in giving this a shot, but I can’t promise I’ll stick with it.

Friday
8pm - Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
Three words: Jennifer Love Hewitt. Honestly, there’s nothing more to say. (really, there’s nothing special about this show, outside of the fact that I really like JLH).

9pm - Moonlight (CBS)
Vampire private investigator in love with a mortal woman. I loved this show when it was called “Angel” (I’m sure there are even more similarities, but I’m too lazy to look for them now). I can’t say if I’ll like it now, but I’ve got to give it a shot.

Saturday
11:30pm - Saturday Night Live (NBC)
I’m not going to watch this every week. Hell, I’m not going to watch it the 2nd week of the season. But Week 1? I’ll be there. Why? Three words: LeBron Fuckin’ James! He’s hosting, and he’s going to be awesome. Don’t think he’ll be any good? Check out this clip from the ESPYs, or this one from one of his Nike commercials.

Sunday
8pm - The Simpsons (FOX)
I haven’t watched this show regularly in years, but “The Simpsons Movie” made me think that maybe I’d been missing something. I don’t know if that’s the case, but I’ll give it a few weeks into the season to find out for sure.

9pm - Family Guy (FOX)
I was so happy when this show came back on the air. Amazingly, that was 3 seasons ago. Now it seems like “Family Guy” is starting to struggle with some of the same creative difficulties that got it cancelled the first time. The show is so hit and miss, but I still will watch it weekly, just for that one joke that has you dying laughing.

9pm - Desperate Housewives (ABC)
OK, so Season 1 was awesome, Season 2 bit, and Season 3 was solid, but a little too soap-opera-y. Who knows what’s going to happen in Season 4? Worst case, Eva Longoria will still be hot, and I’ll still have a weird crush on Marcia Cross. Oh, and I need to mention here, I saw Felicity Huffman on the Emmys broadcast the other night. Holy hell woman, eat something. Ribs are not sexy.

This Week in “Buffy” History: September 17-23

September 17

1948 - John Ritter born (played Ted on Episode 2.11, “Ted”) (died Sep. 11, 2003)

September 20

1977 - Charlie Weber born (played Ben in Season 5)

September 21

1961 - Serena Scott Thomas born (played Gwendolyn Post on Episode 3.07 “Revelations”)

1999 - Episode 3.18, “Earshot”, airs on The WB (delayed from original date due to sensitive content/Columbine shooting)

September 22

1997 - Episode 2.02, “Some Assembly Required”, airs on The WB

September 23

1947 - Caroline Lagerfelt born (played Anne, Spike’s mother, on episode 7.17 “Lies My Parents Told Me”)

Sunday Night Quick Hits

• Derek Sanderson Jeter... Mr. Clutch! Jeter’s 8th-inning homer Sunday night not only helped the Yankees win, but it gave me a nice chunk of change in the deep pool. For those not in the know, the deep pool allows anyone in our department to “call” a home run for 25 cents. If your batter homers, you get all the money in the pool. Obviously not high stakes, but still awesome when it pays off. In the case of Jeter tonight, it paid off to the tune of $17.36 (a 6,900% return on investment!). Sorry, PooZ.

• In other important semi-gambling news, I’ve moved back into first place in my Fantasy NASCAR league. No money on this one, but I’ve become disproportionately emotionally invested in it. My key this week: starting Clint Bowyer. Sure, he’d never won a NEXTEL Cup race before, but he was due! I’ve got an 18-point lead with just a few weeks to go.

• Derek Anderson (not to be confused with Derek Sanderson Jeter) had himself a hell of a game Sunday afternoon. I’m not a Browns fan by any stretch of the imagination, but anything that keeps Golden Domer Brady Quinn on the bench is good by me. Also, having become so attached to the Cavs, I do like to see other Cleveland teams do well.

• Worth noting, in that game, Chad Johnson redeemed himself. The leap into the Cleveland crowd was exactly what he promised and he delivered. So he’s got 3 touchdowns on the season (he caught 2 on Sunday) and 1 really good celebration. I’ll give him a pass on the first TD Sunday, since he was in the wrong endzone to do the leap, but at least he’s back on track (and really, you can’t complain about 3 touchdowns).

• I take back everything bad I implied about USC in last week’s quick hits, since they absolutely pasted Nebraska to prove they deserve to be the No. 1 team in the land. Going on the road to beat a ranked major conference opponent is impressive. Not as impressive as the Song Girls, but still pretty damn impressive.

• I swear, I’m going to put together my Fall TV preview at some point before the season begins in full. That basically gives me a week. Look for it this Tuesday. And it’s worth mentioning that since the last time I intended to do this, there are a couple more shows that are on my radar, thanks to some solid advertising by the networks.

Three to Get Ready: September 15-17

A look ahead at the three sporting events I’ll be watching this weekend (and yes, because of the NFL season, Monday counts as part of the weekend).

September 15:
1 USC at 14 Nebraska, 8 ET on ABC
Last week, USC lost some support in the polls, as LSU romped over Virginia Tech. This week, the Trojans have a great opportunity to solidify their No. 1 ranking with a road game against a ranked opponent. For Nebraska, this game stands as a test to see if the program really is back. Plus, I’ll use any excuse I can get to run a picture of the USC Song Girls, perhaps the greatest collection of cheerleaders ever assembled. In fact, here’s another one:


September 16:
Yankees at Red Sox, 8 ET on ESPN
I could pick an NFL game for this Sunday, but that’d be the easy way out. Besides, this is the last meeting between these two teams this season. Even if the Yankees sweep this series, they’ll still be 2 and a half games behind the Red Sox in the AL East with just 2 weeks left to go in the season. Still, this one could be one for the ages, with Roger Clemens returning to Fenway (likely for the last time) and Curt Schilling on the mound for the Red Sox. But, instead of showing you a picture of two old flabby pitchers, let’s go with the USC Song Girls again:


September 17:
Redskins at Eagles, 8:30 ET on ESPN
I swear, the Monday choice for this feature won’t be the Monday Night Football game every week, but honestly, do you think I’ll be doing anything Monday night besides watching my favorite team romp through Philadelphia on national television. Sure, the ‘Skins didn’t look great in Week 1, but they showed flashes. Meanwhile, the Eagles looked like a steaming pile of dogpoop, which is exactly how I want them to play (well, except for Brian Westbrook, who I need to play well for my fantasy team to succeed). And in lieu of another Song Girls picture, here are the Redskins cheerleaders. Hail to the Redskins, indeed:

Fave 5 - Sports Conspiracy Theories

So there’s this crazy theory being bounced around by NASCAR fans. Some of these people are under the belief that Teresa Earnhardt intentionally ordered her people to sabotage the engines going into Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s cars, so he’d basically suck as he waves goodbye to DEI. Look, it’s a stupid theory (Teresa actually LOSES money in this scenario, which is just stupid).

That said, there are some sports conspiracy theories that make a whole lot more sense, and have gained steam through the years. Here are my 5 favorite.

5. Chan Ho Park grooved a pitch to Cal Ripken Jr. in the 2001 All-Star Game
We’ll never know if this one is true or not, or if there was an order from above to Park to groove that pitch. But even if the pitch was “grooved”, Cal still had to hit it, and hit it well enough to knock it out of the park. Still, things seemed a little to “Hollywood” that night, and our cynical senses kicked in. I’m gonna call BS on this one, but I can see why people believe it.

4. NASCAR fixed the results of the 2001 Pepsi 400 so Dale Earnhardt Jr. would win
Search for “2001 Pepsi 400 fixed” on Google and you’ll come up with nearly 400,000 results. I’m not saying that’s proof that it was fixed, I’m just saying a LOT of people out there believe it was. And once again, this theory stems from people having a hard time believing a “Hollywood” ending. Dale Earnhardt died during the 2001 Daytona 500, and amazingly his son wins the very next race at that track, in primetime on national TV. I gotta say, I believe NASCAR had a hand in this one.

3. Mike Piazza tipped Roger Clemens’ pitches in the 2004 All-Star Game
Let’s be honest -- we all know the history of bad blood between these two. So it’s more than fishy that when Clemens started the 2004 All-Star Game, with Piazza behind the plate, the American League started the game with 6 runs on 5 hits in the 1st inning off Clemens. There’s no proof that this happened, but I hope to God it did. Clemens is a douche and he totally deserved it. Plus, it was cool when Crash Davis did it in “Bull Durham”, so why wouldn’t tipping pitches of a douchey pitcher be bad in real life?

2. David Stern rigged the 1985 Draft Lottery so the Knicks would win
This has all been covered in detail before, but earlier this year, Bill Simmons actually found the video evidence. This HAPPENED! Stern clearly knocks the Knicks envelope on the side of the barrel, making it identifiable. He then makes sure that one gets picked as the winner. I’m convinced that this rigging, and the karmic consequences behind it, are the reason the Knicks didn’t win the title (even when Stern tried to rig it for them in 1994, an entirely different conspiracy for a different column).

1. Michael Jordan’s 1st retirement was a secret gambling suspension
I wrote about this in WAY too much detail on one of my old sites, and if I can, I’ll try to track it down in the next few days, but for now, I’ll just say this: all the pieces fit. Using the Google results meter as a gauge of possibility, there are almost 300,000 results for “Michael Jordan secret gambling suspension”, which is way too high for there not to be something to this. I’m pretty sure this is true, and I’m also pretty sure only 3 people know the whole truth: David Stern, Jerry Reinsdorf and MJ himself. In fact, it’s possible that the 1994-1995 MLB strike was stalemated by Reinsdorf as a way of forcing Jordan back into basketball, after he’d decided he didn’t want to return. The truth is out there.

Disappointment, thy names are Chad and Britney

I live a pretty good life. I have a great job that I love, loyal friends, a nice house and a family that cares about me. So disappointment isn’t something I have to deal with on a regular basis. That said, this week was INCREDIBLY disappointing for me, thanks to two people who built up my hopes and dreams, only to crush them like Ray Lewis’ triceps (and as an aside, Ray Lewis getting injured is just about the polar opposite of disappointing).

So I’m sending out a big AdamReisinger.com WHAT THE FUCK! to Chad Johnson and Britney Spears.

Let’s address Mr. Cinco first. Chad, you promised me the greatest touchdown celebration in the history of the world. I built my entire Monday around this, going so far as to host a Monday Night Football party (another disappointment, BTW, since only Bearman showed -- thanks Bearman! And screw you everyone who skipped out and left me with 30 bottles of alcohol in my fridge). I wrote about this in my inaugural edition of “Three to Get Ready” and I even bought your jersey. That’s right, I jumped on the “Ocho Cinco” bandwagon, only to have you throw on some lame jacket that doesn’t even qualify as one of your own top 10 celebrations, but less the greatest off all time. You’ve got one more touchdown to show me something, then you’re done.

As for Britney... poor, poor, Britney. The only positive that came out of her so-called “comeback” is that I’m pretty sure I’ve got a shot with her now. I’m not sure if I want it, but I don’t think she’d flat out reject me anymore. Which, really, is just a sad statement on her career (which, for all intents, ended with Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River” video). If I could, I’d just imagine that the last 4 years of her career never happened. In fact, that’s what I’m going to do. Hey, it’s 2003 all over again. I think this “Toxic” song could be a big hit Britney. But stay away from this Federline guy. And the buffet table. Maybe you should try to get back with Justin or something. I get a feeling his career could take off soon. Oh, and Tim Wakefield, you may want to pitch very carefully to Aaron Boone. Don’t know what that has to do with Britney, but if we’re going back to 2003, we might as well take care of some other business.

So, that’s how I deal with disappointment. Make ultimatums I can’t back up and pretend to be in the past. Man, a psychologist could have a field day with me. Oh, also, when I need to deal with disappointment, I watch this again:

I was 21 and in college. Britney was smokin’ hot. Good times, my friend, good times. The past is now, my friend. Soak... it... up... (I have no idea what that means. My brain turns to mush when I watch this video).

This Week in “Buffy” History: September 10-16

September 10

1951 - Harry Groener born (played Mayor Richard Wilkins)

September 13

1952 - Raymond O’Connor born (played Teeth on Episode 6.08 “Tabula Rasa”)

September 15

1997 - Episode 2.01, “When She Was Bad”, airs on The WB

Sunday Night Quick Hits

• The Redskins didn’t look good in their opener, but they won, which really is all that matters. The way I see it, it’s one down, 9 to go to get to the playoffs. And how ‘bout Antwaan Randle El, finally living up to that contract extension. Sure, I didn’t start him in my ESPN fantasy league this week, but who starts their 15th-round pick in Week 1? If he can keep this up (which I truly doubt, but I can dream), that might be the best 15th-round pick up ever.

• Speaking of that fantasy league -- and I promise I won’t do this often -- the team I co-own with Kevin is off to a roaring start. Thanks to a huge day from Plaxico Burress and a solid performance by Jon Kitna (who was a dicey proposition at QB, but both Kevin and I expect big things from him), we’ve got a 60-point lead headed into Monday Night Football. We’ve still got Larry Fitzgerald and Matt Stover going Monday, while our opponents have Carson Palmer, Anquan Boldin and Darrell Jackson. I feel good about our 60-point lead.

• Who shouldn’t feel good? Da Bears! Well, more specifically, Da Bears offense. The defense looked fine (better, even, holding LaDainian Tomlinson to 25 rushing yards), but Sexy Rexy was his usual scattershot self, and Adrian Peterson (not the good one) had his own problems holding the ball. D’oh.

• I hate the Patriots. I’ve hated them since Robert Kraft screwed over Hartford, I hate smug baby-daddy Tom Brady, and I hate the retardedness that is the drive to Foxboro (and yes, I’m still spelling it that way, because that’s the way I grew up with and I’m not changing now). That said, I really like Ellis Hobbs. Not just for his 108-yard kickoff return touchdown but because of how he explained it after the game:

"I didn't even think about kneeling that ball," Hobbs said. "We're taking them all out. They pay me to make plays. They don't pay me to take knees. This isn't college. This isn't high school. We're in the NFL. They pay me to return the ball and guys in front of me to block. Why not give them something to celebrate and enjoy?"

Now that’s a guy I wanna watch every week.

• Looking back to the college boys on Saturday, LSU absolutely pasted Virginia Tech, and it’s absurd that the Tigers aren’t ranked #1. In fact, the only reason they aren’t #1 is because they didn’t start at #1. If Michigan’s loss didn’t prove the stupidity of preseason polls, this should clinch it. LSU has rolled on the road against a conference team, then destroyed a top-tier BCS-conference opponent at home. No team in the country has a better resume at this (admittedly early) point in the season.

• OK, maybe no team has a better resume, but one PERSON does -- one Colton James Brennan. You can just call him Colt, and the record watch is on. I’ve updated my page with his week 2 stats. More yards this week, but “only” 4 touchdowns. He’s still on track to break just about every major passing record this year. This week brings another game on the mainland, before heading back to Hawai’i on the 22nd.

• Is it Monday yet? Almost. And you know what that means? That’s right -- party at my place. I’m hosting an MNF get-together. Consider this your official invite. If you need directions, shoot me an e-mail. If you don’t know my e-mail address, well, then you probably don’t know me well enough to be coming to this party.

Three to Get Ready: September 8-10

A look ahead at the three sporting events I’ll be watching this weekend (and yes, because of the NFL season, Monday counts as part of the weekend).

September 8:

9 Virginia Tech at 2 LSU, 9:15 ET on ESPN

This is pretty cool -- two non-conference, top-10 opponents meeting in just the 2nd week of the season. For one of these teams, their national title hopes will be over on September 8th (or damn close to it). The winning team could easily use this game as a springboard to an undefeated season. Here’s the big question -- if LSU wins big (just like it did last week) and USC struggles again, does LSU leapfrog USC to become No. 1?

September 9:

Bears at Chargers, 4:15 ET on FOX

You’ve got the team that represented the NFC in the Super Bowl against the team that finished 2006 with the league’s best record. Not a bad marquee matchup for the first NFL Sunday. Honestly, it could be a long day for those LaDainian Tomlinson fantasy owners. He hasn’t had a multi-TD game in his opener since his rookie year, and he’s facing the best defense in the game. I’m not saying bench him, I’m just saying don’t expect 150 yards and 3 touchdowns. Then again, don’t expect much from Sexy Rexy either. Shawne Merriman might break him in two.

September 10:

Ravens at Bengals, 7 ET on ESPN

Obviously this is the Monday Night Football season premiere, and it should be a pretty good game, but it’s worth tuning in just for Chad Johnson. "I'm bringing sexy back for this year. It's that Ocho Cinco. It's going to be a beautiful season. Trust me, it's going to be a good year." Putting the bad Justin Timberlake reference aside, Chad Johnson has promised the greatest touchdown celebration ever if -- no, wait, WHEN -- he scores against the Ravens. If you’re not watching when it happens, may God have mercy on your soul.

In anticipation of the greatest touchdown celebration ever (or as those in the know call it, “the SexyBack”), enjoy this:

Fave 5 - Young NFL Players to Watch

The NFL season kicks off tomorrow night, and as always, I’ll be watching my Redskins this weekend, hoping they can put together a playoff season. But I’ll also be watching some other exciting players this season to see what they can do.

5. Vince Young, QB, Tennessee Titans
Some of the things Vince did last year as a rookie were just incredible. With Michael Vick otherwise indisposed, Young takes the crown as the most exciting running QB in the league. Also, he lost almost all of the offensive talent around him, so if the Titans are going to be good, he’s going to need to be a one-man show. I don’t know if he can pull it off, but I want to see him try.

4. Jamaal Anderson, DE, Atlanta Falcons
Because of the aforementioned Michael Vick absence, there really aren’t many reasons to watch the Falcons, but Anderson is definitely one of them. I’ve written about him before, but putting his personal story aside, he really is an exciting player on the field. He plays a north-south style of defensive end and can get to the quarterback quickly.

3. Brady Quinn, QB, Cleveland Browns
I know Quinn isn’t technically the Browns starting QB. But if you saw him play in the preseason, you know he should be. In fact, he might be the only person on their roster capable of playing anything resembling quarterback. You might hate Quinn just because he went to Notre Dame and never won a big game, but there’s no denying the guy can play. Plus, he’s got some nice weapons around him (“Blingy” Edwards, Sgt. Kellen Winslow, etc.) so the Browns might not be unwatchable for once.

2. Devin Hester, WR/KR, Chicago Bears
Look, let’s be honest. If Devin Hester never did anything in his career besides return kicks, he’d be an exciting player to watch. But now the Bears are using him on offense. This may or may not work -- Hester was moved to DB at Miami because he couldn’t catch -- but I need to see it happen before I’m sold on it. At least you can count on Chicago finding creative ways to get the ball in his hands: screens, reverses, etc. And once the ball is in his hands, look out.

1. Jason Campbell, QB, Washington Redskins
What, you were expecting me to go with maybe a Ravens player here. Or a Cowboy. Not a fucking chance. This is full year 1 of the Jason Campbell era, and it needs to be a good one. I’m not saying the ‘Skins need to make the playoffs, but Campbell needs to show that he can lead the team to the playoffs at some point in the near future. He’s got the talent around him to lean on. The biggest question mark (outside of Campbell himself) is the offensive line. But really, how can you not like a 'Skins QB wearing number 17:

Kilmer, Williams -- is Campbell next?

A couple cool Nike Commercials

I don’t normally just post random YouTube videos, but Pooz and I were chatting last night and swapping YouTube links. We came across these two great old Nike commercials, which have to be shared.

The first one is a little tainted because of the prominence of Michael Vick, who you might have heard is in some kind of trouble, but it’s still an incredible commercial.



The next one is an old Bo Jackson commercial, which is just cool as fuck. Now, obviously, Bo’s career wasn’t long enough to put him in either the Baseball Hall of Fame or the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but I feel like there should be a special Bo Jackson Hall of Fame. That’s how important Bo was to people of my generation.

This Week in “Buffy” History: September 3-9

September 3
1970 - Rob Nagle born (played Robson in season 7)
1974 - Clare Kramer born (played Glory in season 5)

September 9
1943 - Art LaFleur born (played T’ish Magev in Angel Episode 2.06, “Guise Will be Guise”)

Now THAT’S a day in sports...

At the start of the day, it looked like the lead story would be Virginia Tech returning to the field for the first football game since April’s tragic on-campus shooting.

That, though, was soon trumped by a game. Not just any game, but the No. 5 team in the country losing to a team from a lower division -- an unheard of level of upset.

Now, I personally figured nothing would top that -- then Clay Buchholz went out and threw a complete game no-hitter in his 2nd career major league appearance.

I already covered the Appalachian State-Michigan game in a post Saturday afternoon, but here’s some of my favorite stuff from the Clay Buchholz game:

• First off, it was the 2nd straight night a pitcher took a no-hitter into the 9th inning. Scott Baker did it for the Twins the night before. It was the first time in 6 years that pitchers took no-nos into the 9th on consecutive days.

• Did you know: Clay Buchholz was selected by the Red Sox using a compensatory draft pick they received when Pedro Martinez signed with the Mets? Not a bad trade off based on this season’s stats (of course, Pedro hasn’t actually pitched yet this season).

• Jason Varitek has been behind the plate for the last 3 Red Sox no-hitters. One more and he’ll tie the major league record for most no-hitters caught. Plus, he gave me my best graphics title of the night (Tek Support).

• Clay Buchholz was the 21st rookie since 1900 to throw a no-hitter. It was also the 17th no-hitter in Red Sox history. By themselves, neither of those stats seems too impressive. But consider this: Buchholz was the FIRST rookie in Red Sox history to throw a no-hitter. And the kid just turned 23 a couple weeks ago.

Personally, at the end of the night, I think the Appalachian State story is still a bigger deal than the no-hitter, but for both to happen on the same day is pretty damn awesome. And I thank God I have the next two days off.

Colt Brennan Record Watch

Throughout the season, I’ll keep track of how Colt Brennan is doing in his assault on the record books. His name is already scattered throughout the passing section, and is bound to find its way in there countless more times this season. By the end of the year, he’ll likely own every major passing record -- both single season and career.

This page will be updated weekly, but won’t move from this spot, so bookmark it and check back every Sunday or Monday for an update.

Week 3 Notables: Brennan continued to slip in the passing touchdown department, going from 6 in Week 1 to 4 in Week 2 to 2 this week against UNLV. He did however run for a career-high 3 touchdowns and now has 116 total touchdowns (passing+rushing+receiving). The career NCAA record is 135 by Ty Detmer. HOWEVER (and this is a big however), barring a scoring change, he finished with just 298 passing yards, ending his streak of 300 yard games at 14, 10 shy of the NCAA record. He did break the record by throwing for at least 200 yards in his 29th straight game, but that’s considerably less impressive. Still, the record watch is on.

Week 2 Notables: Brennan got an overtime period to work with, giving him a chance to throw another touchdown -- which gave him 10 for the season and 103 for his career. Brennan also racked up his 3rd career 500-yard game. Unfortunately, the NCAA record book doesn’t list a record for most career 500-yard games (they do have a listing for most career 400-yard games, which Brennan already owned entering the season). Brennan has now had at least 400 yards in 8 straight games.

Career Records Within Reach
Has Record Needs
Passing Yards (3 yrs) 11,112 13,779 2,667
Comp pct (1,000 att) 71.2 68.2 N/A*
Passing Touchdowns 105 121 16
TD Responsibility 116 135 19
Consecutive gms w/ TD 29 35 6
* For record, player must have completed career

Single-Season Record Watch
Thru 3 Projected Record
Passing Yards 1,262 5,469 5,833
Passing TD 12 52 58*
TD Responsibility 16 69 63*
Completions 103 446 479
Comp pct 77.4 77.4 73.6
Efficiency Rating 185.41 185.41 186.0
Lowest Int pct 0.75% 0.75% 0.74%
*- Record already held by Colt Brennan
NOTE: Projections based on 13-game schedule (including bowl game)

Sweet holy jeebus!

That man is Jerry Moore, the head football coach at Appalachian State. My guess is he won’t be the head football coach at Appalachian State after this season -- he’ll be able to pick any job he wants. He’s won 2 straight championships, and now, he pulled off perhaps the biggest upset in college football history (yes, I went there).

Appalachian State 34, Michigan 32 (Final)

This is the first time since the NCAA split Division I into two divisions that a I-AA (or FCS) team has beaten a ranked I-A (or FBS) team. And Michigan wasn’t just any ranked team. They were the preseason No. 5 (they’ll be unranked next week, I’m fairly certain), and a legit national title contender. Now they’re done.

Speaking of done, Lloyd Carr is now a dead man walking. He was destroyed in his last two games last season, and now he lost to a I-AA team (a team that Michigan paid $400,000 to play this game, by the way -- safe to say that’s the worst investment since Enron). They can’t fire Carr right now, because that would result in total turmoil in Ann Arbor and probably something like a 5-7 season, but he’ll be hard-pressed to keep his job after this.

By the way, basically no one in the country saw this game, since it was on the Big Ten Network, but you could get near-real-time updates on College Football Overdrive on ESPNews. It’s on from 3-8 and it’s the best place to get college football updates.