11 for '11: Television Series

Over the last few years, my TV watching has shifted. My schedule used to be filled with dramas, usually serialized, but a lot of them have run their course, and I've really sucked at picking new ones, while I keep getting turned on to new great comedies. Because of their runtime, it's definitely easier to catch up with a sitcom from the beginning, and it's easier to keep up with them than with a drama that has a complex ongoing plot. That's not to say I'm done with dramas (I'm not) or that there aren't dramas I want to catch up with. In fact, it's possible that by this time next year, shows like "Homeland", "Revenge", "The Walking Dead" and "Alcatraz" (which hasn't actually debuted yet) will be on my 12 for '12 list.

For now, let's take a look at my top shows from 2011.

11. Chuck
I know I was a little down on the start of the final season, but the end of Season 4 was great and the last couple S5 episodes have really picked things up. Plus, I'm starting to realize just how much I'm going to miss this series when it's gone.

10. The Vampire Diaries
I always feel weird about ranking or grading this show, because while I enjoy watching it when it's on, I don't look forward to it like I do other shows. But I'd be pissed if it ever went away.

9. Happy Endings
Ok, so I watched the pilot, and dismissed this show almost immediately, which I usually don't do. But then a co-worker told me how much he was enjoying it, so I gave it a second chance, and it's really, really funny. I'm kind of falling in love with Casey Wilson.

8. Ringer
So much SMG. I really, really hope this show gets another season, at least.

11 for '11: Comic Book Series

At some point this month, I had some grand idea to have 11 posts about my favorite things from 2011, one post each day for each of the last 11 days of the month. Obviously that didn't happen. Some things got in the way, but more than anything, I just realized that there weren't 11 topics on which I could produce a list of 11. So I narrowed things down to the three topics I write about the most -- comics, TV and personal experiences. So today, I'll have a series of posts waving goodbye to 2011.

Let's start things off with my 11 favorite comics series of 2011. This was the year I widened my comics horizons, beyond Spider-Man (and related titles) and TV tie-ins, and the list somewhat reflects that, but there are some mainstays too.

11. Spider Island: Cloak & Dagger
The only reason this isn't higher is because it was only 3 issues long. Nick Spencer (who'll show up again on this list) wrote an impressive tale that didn't require you to be reading the main Spider Island series to enjoy it, and Emma Rios's art was stunning. C'mon Marvel, make this an ongoing. You know you want to.

10. The Walking Dead
Ok, so I'm cheating a little here, because I just started reading this series, so the stuff I'm reading actually came out years ago. That said, all indications are that it's still going strong in 2011.

9. Jennifer Blood
I have to thank the owner of my local comic shop for turning me on to this series, which is like Suburbia meets The Punisher. I fell in love with the violence -- contrasted with Jennifer's perfect home life -- almost immediately.

8. Charmed
This series's went through a lot of artists early on, but things settled down a bit in 2011, and writer Paul Ruditis continues to craft a tale that takes Charmed to new places while respecting the history of the show.

7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This series only had 5 issues in 2011, combining both Season 8 and Season 9, and the S8 finale from January was probably the best issue, but Season 9 seems to be going to good places.

Picks: Five-by-Five

It's fitting that on Eliza Dushku's birthday, I'd turn a post about my NBA picks thus far this season into a reference to the catchphrase her character Faith used on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel".

You see, through five days of the season, a weird trend has emerged in the results of my game-by-game picks: each day, no matter how many games have been played, I've correctly picked five of them. Obviously, this worked out great on Christmas Day (5-0), Dec. 27 (5-0) and Dec. 29 (5-1) and worked out very poorly on the 26th (5-7) and the 28th (5-5). And I'm worried about today's 11-game slate, which, if the trend holds, would drop my overall win percentage from .658 to .612.

That said, if the trend were to keep up throughout the entire season, I'd easily finish with a winning record on my picks, which would be nice. But that can't happen. No matter what happens tonight, or for the next few days, the trend is guaranteed of ending on Thursday, January 5, 2012, when there are only four games on the schedule.

So, with that in mind, here are the picks for tonight, five of which are guaranteed to be right (guarantee not valid on planets that support carbon-based life forms): Magic, Pacers, Celtics, Hawks, Heat, Grizzlies, Hornets, Mavericks, Bucks, Jazz, Bulls.

How The Big Three Worked to Get Norris Cole Open

Last night against the Celtics, Norris Cole hit a series of clutch baskets to help the Heat beat the Celtics. But Cole, despite what the pure points stats would tell you, didn't do his work alone in the fourth quarter, One play in particular illustrated how the Heat's Big Three were responsible for Cole's big baskets.





Let's take this step-by-step to see how the Heat broke down the Celtics defense to get Cole such an open look. Boston opens the possession in something in between a man-to-man defense and a 3-2 zone. Through the six seconds of the play, they appear to be following zone principals, so we'll call it that.

The Heat open the play with a LeBron James/Chris Bosh high pick-and-roll. Pick-and-roll plays don't always work well against a zone (and one of the primary reasons teams go to a zone against Miami is to minimize their ability to run P-N-R with two of their big three), but Miami is using the P-N-R here to set up secondary actions.

As LeBron comes around the Bosh pick (a strong pick that seals Keyon Dooling off from the rest of the play), Dwyane Wade crashes the lane and -- this is important -- Norris Cole fills the vacated spot.

Here, as James turns the corner, you can see how Boston's zone is already starting to break down. Rajon Rondo lets Wade go into Allen's zone, as he should, but also collapses on James, which makes sense, as LeBron is the Heat's most dangerous player in this situation, and the goal should be to force the ball out of his hands.

With Rondo crashing down, LeBron jumps to pass (NO!) and has three options at this point, since Bosh turned the pick-and-roll into a basic ball screen. From left to right, option one is Udonis Haslem in the corner, but Brandon Bass has crept into the passing lane, cutting that off. Option 2 is a dangerous pass in the lane to Wade, one that would likely be deflected or intercepted by Kevin Garnett. Even if it wasn't, Wade has Allen at the rim ready to stop him, and a charge is a likely possibility in this situation. Option 3 is Cole, who is making his way from the corner to the wing, putting Wade between him and Allen.

By the time Cole catches the ball and sets to shoot, he's still got considerable distance between himself and Allen. If he'd stayed in the corner -- like James Jones or Mike Miller would have -- James has a longer pass to make and Allen has more time to recover, and less distance to cover on that recovery. As it is, Cole gets a look that most NBA guards should be able to make with reasonable regularity, a look he doesn't get if LeBron doesn't draw Rondo's attention.

It's also worth noting that because Bass has to respect Haslem's jumper, he can't be counted on to cover the Wade crash, which holds Allen in place. As far as Boston's defense is concern, the Cole jumper is the lesser of all evils, but letting him get that wide open wasn't in Boston's plan.

Having Fun With Kanye and The Heat's Intro Video

Yesterday, the Miami Heat unveiled their 2011-12 intro video, set to Kanye West's "All of the Lights". If you haven't seen it already, take a look.



It's solid, a little cheesy, and not quite as chill-inducing as last year's "In The Air Tonight" intro (which, admittedly, was even cheesier with players awkwardly trying to look hard in formalwear). Part of the problem with the video is the song choice. While "All of the Lights" is a good song, and has the potential to get a crowd hyped, it doesn't give off that fired-up feel here, particularly because it eschews the best parts of the song (mainly Kanye's verses) for the warmed-over Rihanna hook.

So what if they'd shot the same video, but switched up the Kanye song? Well, we can see exactly what that would've looked like, thanks to the magic of modern computers.

First up, "Heat in Paris" (language NSFW, which applies to most of these videos)



(Apologies for the weird audio cuts... My audio editing software wasn't cooperating when I cut these, so I had to do all the audio editing in iMovie, which isn't great)

Obviously because of the language, no team is ever going to use this as an intro video, but expect to hear this beat played throughout arenas this season. Speaking of beats...



I went with the instrumental on here because it's such a great beat. Some team in the league has to use this for an intro video this season, mixed with some carefully edited vocals from the original track.

But that's all recent stuff. What if we go back into the Kanye archives for a classic hit?



OK, that doesn't really work for the Heat, since the big storyline is how they DIDN'T get a ring last year, but keep that in the back pocket for (fingers crossed) next season. Not 4, not 5, not 6 diamonds. Forever ever? Forever ever.

Sticking with the Kanye and Jay-Z theme (which seems to come up a lot), how about this one?



Putting aside how incongruous the song is with the visuals from the actual Heat intro video for this season, this is pretty much the perfect song for a team intro video. I don't have a complete list of intro videos since '09-10 (which is the first season for which this song would've been available), but some team has to have used this by now, right?

On the flipside, I'm 100% confident in saying no one has used this next song.



Oh, Dexter Pittman, those lyrics worked out really poorly for you. I'm so sorry. Still, with VERY careful editing on the audio, that song would make for a really cool intro video.

Lastly, one for the haters... enjoy!

Defending A Title and The Significance of 0-2

Losing two consecutive games is nothing for a professional basketball team to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of them (literally), and no team should overreact to consecutive losses. Just last season, the Heat lost five consecutive games at one point and still reached the finals, while the Mavericks had a season-high six-game losing streak in January, but weren't disqualified from winning the title.

Still, when a defending champion opens the season 0-2, with both losses by double figures, it tends to draw a level of attention disproportionate to the amount of press a similar two-game losing streak in midseason would. By now, you've probably read the stat from the Elias Sports Bureau that the 2011-12 Dallas Mavericks are the first defending champion to start 0-2 with both losses coming at home, or the one that they're the first defending champ since the 1953-54 Minneapolis Lakers to open the season with a pair of double-digit losses (and if you hadn't, you just did).

Taking out the various qualifiers, the Mavericks are just the fifth team to win the NBA Championship, then open the following season with consecutive losses, period. So are there any lessons to be learned from the previous four?

2002-03 Los Angeles Lakers
Started: 0-2. Final Record: 50-32. Season Result: Lost in Conference Semifinals.

Coming off a third consecutive title, the Lakers suffered a setback early in the season when star center Shaquille O'Neal put off toe surgery until the start of training camp, forcing him to miss the first 12 games of the season. In his absence, the Lakers were forced to start Soumaila Samake (a real person, I swear) at center in the season opener, then Samaki Walker in the following game. Obviously things didn't work out so well.

The Lakers continued to slump even when Shaq returned, falling to a season-worst 11-19 after 30 games. However, they went 39-13 the rest of the way -- a .750 winning percentage, which translates to about 62 wins over an 82-game season -- and reached the second round of the playoffs before falling to the eventual champion Spurs.

The Lakers rebounded to reach the Finals the following season, but they went six title-less seasons between the three-peat that ended in '02 and the victory over the Magic in '09.



1979-80 Seattle SuperSonics
Started: 0-2. Final Record: 56-26. Season Result: Lost in Conference Finals.

The Sonics had just won the title and had the best attendence in the league, so of course they got to start their title defense with back-to-back road games. In the opener, they faced a Bill Walton-less Clippers team in San Diego, but got torched by a pre-name-change Lloyd Free, and ended up losing by five.

The tale of their second loss, two nights later in Phoenix, is more surreal. The Suns crowd used bright orange towels to distract Seattle's free-throw shooters, and, much to everyone's surprise, it worked. The Sonics shot a dismal 9-of-29 from the free-throw line against the Suns -- a huge anomoly for a team that shot 77% from the line for the season -- and ended up losing by 14.

The slow start had little impact on Seattle's season. They went on to win 56 games, at the time a franchise record, and reached the conference finals, where they were beaten by the Lakers in Magic Johnon's rookie season.

1969-70 Boston Celtics
Started: 0-4. Final Record: 34-48. Season Result: Missed playoffs for first time in 20 seasons.

Before the 1998-99 Bulls (who actually won one of their first two games after the lockout), the '69-70 Celtics were the standard bearers in the "how not to defend a title" category. In the offseason, they lost Sam Jones and Bill Russell to retirement, and Russell also stepped down as coach.

Boston never really found an adequete replacement for Russell in the middle that season. Hank Finkel, who was brought in from the Rockets via trade, filled up about half of Russell's minutes, while holdover reserve centers Jim Barnes and Rich Johnson picked up the rest. All three had below league average PERs, with Johnson barely giving the Celtics replacement-level production. Boston fell from 2nd in the league in defense to 8th, and missed the postseason for the first time since the pre-Auerbach era.

Again, replacing a quality center is not an easy task, even for a team that returns Hall-of-Fame quality talent.

1953-54 Minneapolis Lakers
Started: 0-2. Final Record: 46-26. Season Result: Won NBA Title.

The '53-54 Lakers are much more like the '79-80 Sonics than the other teams on this list. They returned pretty much their entire team from the previous season, but a weird quirk of the schedule had them opening with a long slate of road games (five in a row to be specific). In fact, calling them the "Minneapolis" Lakers probably wouldn't be accurate for this season, since they played almost as many games at neutral sites as they did on their home court. They wouldn't move to Los Angeles for another seven seasons, but they had one foot out the door even in their championship years (to be fair, some of the emphasis on neutral site games was due to the league wanting to showcase star player George Mikan in as many cities as possible in what would turn out to be his final season in the league).

After shaking off the slow start, the Lakers quickly got back to their winning ways, picking up wins in 15 of their next 17 games and finishing the regular season with the best record in the league. They took care of Rochester in the Division Finals, then beat Syracuse in a great seven-game NBA Finals, winning what would turn out to be the franchise's last title for 17 years.

So what's the takeaway from all this? Well, If I were a Dallas fan, I'd be a little concerned that the two teams on this list that struggled the most -- the '02-03 Lakers and the '69-70 Celtics -- were the ones that lost a quality center in the offseason. A lot of people thought Tyson Chandler leving would have a big impact on the Mavs this season, and while I don't want to put too much emphasis on a two-game sample, it appears they may have been right.

What's been particularly galling has been Dallas's defensive efficiency thus far in 2011-12. The Mavs ranked 8th in the league last season, with Chandler manning the middle. The season before, sans Chandler (with a mix of Erik Dampier, Brendan Haywood and others), they were 12th. So far this season, they're 23rd, a stat that comes from the land of Small Sample Size Theater, but isn't particularly comforting.

Also, as much as it pains me to admit this, the move from DeShawn Stevenson to Vince Carter has been a significant downgrade in the defensive department, since Carter is little more than a traffic cone on that end at this point of his career.

There are still 64 games left in the season for the Mavericks, and they're not going to go 0-66 (they're also not going to go 64-2, but that should be pretty obvious). But they are going to need to fix their defense if they want to make a run in 2012.

Jersey Monday: Ricky Williams

Monday Night Football Match-up: Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints

Before I get to tonight's jersey -- the final entry in this run of Monday Night Football jerseys for the 2011 NFL season -- I wanted to share a bit of information about my jersey collection.

I picked up another new jersey this past weekend, and though it's not on the photo gallery yet (nor are the last 4 or 5 jerseys I bought... I'm way behind on my picture-taking), which means that the tagline for this recurring feature is even less accurate than it was before. When I started doing Jersey Monday way back in January of 2010, I added the tagline "Jersey Monday will continue every Monday until I run out of jerseys to spotlight. And since I’ve got more than 150 of them, that could be awhile."

Well "more than 150" is still technically true, but it's not really accurate. After this weekend's purchase, I'm now up over the 190 mark, and at some point in 2012, I'll pick up my 200th jersey. So we've got a couple more years of this feature to go.

I don't know what number Ricky Williams was in my jersey collection, but I can safely say it was much, much smaller back when I got this one. I was a college sophomore at the time, and Ricky was a rookie with the Saints. His career in New Orleans didn't go quite as planned, nor did his NFL career as a whole, but somehow Ricky Williams ended up with some really good career numbers. He needs just 19 yards in next week's season finale to become the 26th player all time with 10,000+ rushing yards, and his 66 rushing touchdowns are currently tied with Fred Taylor for 32nd.

Jersey Monday will continue every Monday until I run out of jerseys to spotlight. And since I’ve got more than 190 of them, that could be awhile. For the remainder of the NFL season, Jersey Monday will feature one of the teams playing on Monday Night Football.

#LeaguePassAlert: Top Games for Dec. 26-Jan. 1

NBA League Pass is one of the greatest inventions of our time. You get to watch all the out-of-market games (in HD, depending on your provider) and the TV service is bundled with a broadband option that allows you to watch up to four games at once, plus watch replays of full games the next day. This year, the service even includes the mobile option, allowing you to watch games on your phone or iPad.

For me, this means that with my setup at home (one TV, two computers, two mobile phones, one iPad), I could conceivably watch every NBA game simultaneously all season long, since I don't think there's a single timeslot this year that has more than 12 games being played.

Realistically, though, if you try to pay attention to more than two games at once, you eventually aren't really watching any of them. So with that in mind, I've decided to go through the schedule and pick the top 1 or 2 League Pass games every night (for the purposes of this weekly feature, "League Pass Games" includes any game not on ABC, ESPN, TNT or NBATV. Some of these games will be blacked out in my area or yours due to being local games, but I'm not accounting for that.).

Monday, Dec. 26

Nets at Wizards, 7 ET
Deron Williams vs. John Wall. Need I say more?

Oklahoma City Thunder at Minnesota Timberwolves, 8 ET
If you didn't get enough of OKC on opening night, you get a second look on Monday. But let's be honest, everyone's tuning in to this one for the NBA regular-season debut of Ricky Rubio. I'm thinking 8 points, 9 assists, 2 steals, 2 passes into the 4th row.

Monday's national games: Rockets at Magic (7 ET, NBA TV), Lakers at Kings (10 ET, NBA TV)

Tuesday, Dec. 27

Hawks at Nets, 7:30 ET
Outside of the national slate, it's slim pickings on Tuesday, so if you're not watching the TNT games, why not check out Hawks-Nets. It's the first game of the night, and the first time we'll get to see Atlanta this season.

Tuesday's national games: Celtics at Heat (8 ET, TNT), Jazz at Lakers (10:30 ET, TNT)
Wednesday, Dec. 28

Clippers at Spurs, 8:30 ET
Even though the national TV schedule was set before the Clippers acquired Chris Paul, the Clippers are on national TV 23 times this season, so they won't show up on League Pass as often as you'd think. But when they do, don't miss a chance to check out Lob City.

Wednesday's national games: Thunder at Grizzlies (8 ET, NBA TV), Knicks at Warriors (10:30 ET, NBA TV)

Thursday, Dec. 29

Nuggets at Trail Blazers, 10 ET
Once again the best games are on national TV, which is to be expected. Nets-Magic might have been intriguing had Brook Lopez been playing -- or if Dwight Howard had already been traded -- but in leiu of that, take some time to check out Nuggets-Blazers, a pair of teams who should be in the playoff mix out west.

Thursday's national games: Mavericks at Thunder (8 ET, TNT), Knicks at Lakers (10:30 ET, TNT)

Friday, Dec. 30

Heat at Timberwolves, 8 ET
Given what we saw from the Heat on Christmas Day, I'm not sure you're going to want to skip any of their games, even against inferior opponents. Assuming Miami's "Oregon" offense is firing on all cylindars and this one turns into a blowout, you can always flip over to what should be a competitive Rockets-Grizzlies game (also tipping at 8 ET).

Friday's national games: Suns at Hornets (8 ET, NBA TV), Bulls at Clippers (10:30 ET, NBA TV)

Saturday, Dec. 31
Nuggets at Lakers, 3:30 ET
With the shortening of his suspension, Andrew Bynum will be making his 2011-12 season debut in this game. It'll also mark the end of a 5-in-7 stretch for the Lakers (one that becomes a 6-in-8 on Sunday), so Denver could be primed for an upset.

Saturday's national game: Jazz at Spurs (8:30 ET, NBA TV)

Sunday, Jan. 1

Grizzlies at Bulls, 8 ET
By catching the Lakers and Nuggets on Saturday, you free up your Sunday to skip the rematch in Denver and watch last season's MVP take on the darlings of the 2011 playoffs.

Sunday's national game: Celtics at Wizards (6 ET, NBA TV)

PICKS!

The 2011-12 season tips off in about an hour, with a quintuple-header slated for the first day of games. While I'll be in a car driving from Baltimore to Connecticut for the early portion of the day, I'll definitely be sitting in front of a TV for all the later games -- and I'm DVRing the ones I'll miss, so I can catch up on them later.

For this season, I've decided to pick winners for all 990 games on the schedule, though obviously not in advance. I'll make my picks day-by-day, and I'll keep track of them somewhere on the sidebar of this site. But the first day of games is a big enough occasion to warrant its own picks post. So, without further ado:

Celtics at Knicks, Noon - Knicks
Heat at Mavericks, 2:30 - Heat
Bulls at Lakers, 5 - Bulls
Magic at Thunder, 8 - Thunder
Clippers at Warriors, 10:30 - Clippers

Check back tomorrow morning to find out how wrong I was, and feel free to mock me in the comments.

Obligatory Meaningless 2011-12 NBA Awards Predictions

I'm predicting one of these players to win a major award in 2011-12. Which one may surprise you.

As we saw last season, NBA awards voting can be a funny thing. By any statistical measure, LeBron James was a better player than Derrick Rose (feel free to start yelling WATCH TEH GAMEZ here), but Rose was deemed more "valuable", in large part because of the improvement of his team -- improvement that was also rewarded in the form of a Coach of the Year award for Tom Thibodeau and a co-Executive of the Year award for Gar Forman. Would Rose have been as valuable without the contributions of Thibodeau and Forman? Who knows.

My point is not to rehash the awards voting of last season, but to simply revisit the point that you never really know what will catch the eye of voters, and it's hard to make predictions that rely so heavily not only on production, but on voter influence. Still, I'm going to try, so let's run down my predictions for 2011-12 season-ending awards

Rookie of the Year - Kemba Walker, Charlotte Bobcats
I know I projected Charlotte to have the worst record in the East, but I think Kemba is going to take the league by storm and won't be punished by the voters for the poor team surrounding him.

Most Improved Player - DeAndre Jordan, Los Angeles Clippers
Let's just go ahead and chalk this one up to the Chris Paul effect.

Coach of the Year - Frank Vogel, Indiana Pacers
I've got Indiana finishing in the top six in the East, and possibly even higher. If that happens, expect former interim coach Vogel to get a lot of the credit.

Sixth Man of the Year - Lamar Odom, Dallas Mavericks
Odom is a contender for this award every year, and I think he takes it home for the second consecutive year by providing a big boost to Dallas's bench (also, I think James Harden will end up starting 33+ games, making him ineligible for the award. But I could be very wrong on that).

Defensive Player of the Year - Tony Allen, Memphis Grizzlies
It's extremely hard for a perimeter player to win this award, but I think Allen began to lay the groundwork for it last season. Plus, voters will be looking for a reason to vote for anyone besides Dwight Howard, if only because of repeat winner fatigue.

Most Valuable Player - LeBron James, Miami Heat
I keep going back and forth between LeBron James and Chris Paul for this award, especially because both of them have a teammate who could split votes (as does Kevin Durant, with Russell Westbrook). I just think the Heat are going to put up a really good regular-season record, like in the 54-56 win range (which translates to 67-70 wins in an 82 game season), and LeBron will be the most likely candidate to be rewarded for that success.

30 Teams in 30 Words: Eastern Conference

I realized the picture on my West preview gave away my top two teams. I didn't make that mistake again. OR DID I? (I didn't)

There’s a bit of risk involved when making preseason projections in any season. One big trade, a significant injury or a team that just decides it doesn’t feel like playing up to its potential can throw off all the work you put into figuring out how the teams will line up at the end of the season.

It’s hard enough trying to account for any of these possibilities during a normal season, but the compressed preseason schedule created by the lockout has made it nearly impossible.

Take the example of the New Jersey Nets. At one point in the last week, it looked like their acquisition of Dwight Howard was imminent. Then it wasn’t. Then Brook Lopez was injured, and is out from somewhere between four weeks and forever, depending on which side of the extremist scale you believe. Then, when it looked like they might be forced to start Johan Petro at center, they went out and got Mehmet Okur from the Jazz, and that may or may not preclude them from eventually trading for Howard.

So, how do you account for all that when projecting the Nets win total in 2011-12? Do you assume they’ll get Howard at some point? And if so, do you assume Lopez will come back healthy for a period before that trade happens? Or do you just assume worst-case scenario (which is obviously Deron Williams demanding a trade tomorrow, followed by the Okur trade being overturned and Kris Humphries reconciling with Kim Kardashian)?

My answer? Well, it was none of the above. I put a number next to the Nets, without accounting for any of that, then realizing I hadn’t accounted for any of it. Oh well, I’m sticking to it.

With that in mind, here are my projected Eastern Conference standings for 2011-12. Click here for the West.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

15. Bobcats
As much as I like Kemba Walker and Bismack Biyombo, it’s pretty clear this team is going to be painfully bad in 2011-12. Like 15 wins bad. But not worse.

14. Raptors
There was part of me that was ready to put the Raptors higher, until I started seeing stuff from Toronto-based people I trust who said they’d be Charlotte-esque this season.
13. Bucks
This is probably too low. I saw them in the preseason, and I like a lot of their pieces. SJax + healthy Bogut + improved Luc is a solid core.

12. Pistons
Man, that run of trips to the conference finals seems like forever ago, doesn’t it. I don’t like anything Detroit has done in recent years, save for the Stuckey re-signing.

11. Cavaliers
Kyrie Irving probably won’t win rookie of the year (check back tomorrow for my pick on that), but I think he’s going to help turn things around in The Q.

10. Wizards
Is there a weirder collection of players in the league than the one in Washington? Point guard John Wall is surrounded by athletic headcases, and Roger Mason Jr. How U.

9. Nets
Remember all those words I wrote at the start of this thing? Refer to that for why the Nets ended up here, instead of, say, sixth. Or fourth with D12.

8. Magic
Speaking of D12, I clearly built a “he’s going to be traded” cushion into my Orlando projection. The question is will they be Denver post-Carmelo Anthony or Detroit post-Chauncey Billups?

7. 76ers
I’m interested to see if Evan Turner takes a step forward this season. With increased PT in April (and the playoffs), he started to put up better numbers last year.

6. Celtics
I know this seems low, and it probably is, but forward Paul Pierce is already ailing and they’ve got no depth behind him (no, Sasha Pavlovic doesn’t count as “depth”).

5. Pacers
If I was a betting man, I’d be taking the over on the Pacers wins, and I might be convinced to take a flyer on them to win the Central.

4. Hawks
I know these are my picks, and I should be convincing you of them, but I honestly can’t justify this. I can’t see how the Hawks avoid a step back.

3. Knicks
I think Chandler’s impact on the team is being overstated, but the impact of having ‘Melo and Amar’e for a full season will be huge (insert Baron Davis fat joke).

2. Bulls
Let me clarify my opinion on Bulls point guard Derrick Rose, using the ancient art of haiku:
Derrick Rose is good.
He is not the best point guard.
I’m not a hater.

1. Heat
Speaking of haters, the Heat had a lot of them last year. And they’ll have a lot this year. But really, nothing they do in the 2011-12 regular season matters.

30 Teams in 30 Words: Western Conference

As part of an annual predictions exercise, earlier this week I had to fill out a spreadsheet where I predicted the number of wins for each team in the NBA. It was by no means a scientific measure of my thoughts on each NBA team, and it’s not like I went through the schedule day-by-day to pick a winner and loser for each game. I just put a number between 0 and 66 next to each team’s name.

Go ahead, take five minutes and do this exercise yourself. Now, once you’ve assigned a win total to each team, add them up. Does it equal 990? Well, if not, then you’re already wrong.

See, there will be 990 games played in this lockout-shortened NBA season, which means any league-wide prediction of team-by-team win totals needs to come out to that exact number.

So how many wins did I predict for the NBA on the first go-round? Try 945. Whoops.

This is the fourth year in a row I’ve done this, and the first time I’ve come up short. Normally I’m over optimistic, and exceed the wins total by about 20 or so. But this season is different (and not just because the win total is 990 instead of 1230). The compressed schedule is going to negatively affect the level of play, and I think subconsciously, that affected my impression of each team. We can talk about teams that the schedule and shortened season will “help”, but really that’s just a euphemism for “hurt less”.

In the end, I went back, revised my win totals for each team, then sorted them to see how I thought the teams would line up in each conference. And while it didn’t quite end up the way I would have predicted it if I’d just gone straight down and picked 1-15, it’s the order I’m sticking with for my official conference predictions for 2011-12.

Now, since I’ve already been so long-winded here, I’ll just go ahead and get to the 30 teams, with 30 words on each of them. Today, the Western Conference, followed by the East tomorrow.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

15. New Orleans Hornets
Obviously, I did my predicting after the Chris Paul trade. I like what Eric Gordon brings, but they’re not deep or talented enough to make any kind of playoff run.

14. Sacramento Kings
If I were re-doing this, they’d be higher. Tyreke Evans should have a bounce-back year, and Jimmer is better than a lot of people think. The defense could be unwatchable.
13. Minnesota Timberwolves
I love Rubio and Love as much as the next non-Zach Harper, but Minnesota still has holes. And Anthony Randolph, who looks like he doesn’t know the rules of basketball.

12. Golden State Warriors
Steph Curry is hurt, Monta Ellis is being sued, Kwame Brown is being lambasted. This is going to be a rough start to the Mark Jackson era in Golden State.

11. Houston Rockets
If they’d gotten Pau Gasol and Nene, they would probably be five to six spots higher. As it is, they’ve got Sam Dalembert, and probably another trip to the lottery.

10. Utah Jazz
I am actually starting to like what this team is doing long term, but in the short term, they’ve got a lot of redundant pieces and a lot of needs.

9. Phoenix Suns
They’ll probably be worse than when all is said and done, but I think my brain has a bias in favor of Steve Nash when it comes to predicting wins.

8. Denver Nuggets
I’ve seen predictions all over the place for this team, from top 4 to out of the playoffs. That seems right for a team very much in flux in 2011.

7. Portland Trail Blazers
Between losing Greg Oden, Brandon Roy’s retirement and still not having a GM, it’s been a depressing offseason for Portland fans. It might not get much better very quickly either.

6. Los Angeles Clippers
Everyone needs to slow down on the “Clippers are championship contenders” talk. Yes, CP3 and Blake are great. But they’re still the Clippers, and they’ve still got VDN as coach.

5. Los Angeles Lakers
I had the Lakers finishing with one more win than the Clippers, but that was before the Kobe injury. Now I could legitimately see them flipping spots, which is weird.

4. Memphis Grizzlies
Speaking of injuries, the Darrell Arthur injury could hurt Memphis in a tight Western Conference. There’s not a lot of spacing from 4-8. But I’m still high on the Grizzlies.

3. San Antonio Spurs
I don’t get the predictions of doom in San Antonio. Yes, the compressed schedule will be rough on their old legs, but if anyone can manage that, it’s Gregg Popovich.

2. Dallas Mavericks
I do think they got worse compared to last year, but accounting for the stretch they played without Dirk, last year’s record doesn’t reflect how good they were in 2010-11.

1. Oklahoma City Thunder
After last year’s loss in the conference finals, people are looking at Oklahoma City and wondering if this is the year the Thunder takes the next step. I say yes.

Midseason TV Grades for 2011-12

There hasn't been a new episode of any TV show I watch run for more than a week now, which means we're now living in the darkest timeline. It's alsl probably time to get to my midseason grades for the 2011-12 TV season. Let's take this day-by-day.

MONDAY

How I Met Your Mother - C-
This show still has the ability to make me laugh, but the writers seem more determined to make the viewers cry and feel sad for the characters. What was once an enjoyable weekly watch is turning into a slog, as we wait for Ted to finally meet the mother.

2 Broke Girls - B
This is the kind of show I hate myself for liking. Most of the humor is based on broad racial or cultural stereotypes, and is often cringe-worthy, but it finds a way to make me laugh (whether I want to or not) every week.

Gossip Girl - C
I've written about this earlier this season, but this show badly needs a shake-up, and I don't think this Blair/Chuck accident is going to provide it. Maybe the writers will prove me wrong come January.

Hawaii Five-0 - B
I want to go higher with this grade, but this whole "Shelburne" plot is getting more convoluted than necessary.

Castle - B
The episodes themselves have been A-quality, but the "will they or won't they" is getting old, which drags the grade down. Also, I'm still not on board with the new captain.

The Playboy Club - F
This show was canceled after three episodes and deservedly show. For all the controversy over the women in bunny suits and the whitewashing of the actual working conditions at the real Playboy Club in the '60s, the reasons for the show's cancellation were much more straightforward. It was just bad. The musical numbers were the only redeeming quality of the show, and they were incongruous with the rest of the tone of the show, and not enough to keep the viewer tuned in.

TUESDAY

Glee - C-

Review: Buffy Season 9, #4 - Freefall, Part 4

PLOT SUMMARY

The issue starts with a flashback to three months ago. Severin is hunting down vampires, looking for his sister. A shadowy figure shows up and tells him to look for Buffy instead, and destory her. Back in the present, Severin attacks Buffy, and says he's not the bad guy -- she is, and he's going to take her power.

At the police station, they get an anonymous tip about the dead vamps (claiming Buffy did it) and head to the scene, where Spike and his demon friend are also headed, via motorboat, while filling each other in on their back stories. They all arrive at the same time, and stand outside the wharf, where Buffy and Severin are having their knockdown, drag out fight. Buffy realizes she just needs to tire Severin out, so he loses his charge. She attacks him and they crash through the floor, revealing even more zompires waiting.

Xander and Dawn are watching TV when they see the news about Buffy, which also lets the cat out of the bag to her roommates. Back at the wharf, Detective Dowling makes his way in. Severin attracts the zompires attention away from Buffy (who could kill her before he can power-suck her) then kills them all with a massive blast of his powers. Dowling encounters Spike and the demon, then hears the commotion downstairs. They all spring into action, but Severin blasts Spike and the demon away, then starts power-sucking Spike. Before he can finish Buffy and Spike off, Dowling unloads three shots into his chest, and he collapses.

Dowling tells Buffy she's off their most wanted list, and Willow shows up, not to help (since she has no magic) but to offer support in the event Buffy got sucked dry. Willow says she's not mad that Buffy has power and she doesn't and Buffy says she'll try and figure out something for Willow.

Severin, meanwhile, is in the hospital when his shadowy friend shows up. He says he just needs to recharge, but -- REVEAL -- Simone (the rogue slayer) says he failed and now she'll need all of her power to kill Buffy

REVIEW

Story

This issue was very action packed, but there were a lot of subtle moments between the action that laid groundwork for the rest of Season 9.

I'll get to that, but first, the action itself. The big fight was exactly what we've come to expect from Buffy, particularly in the TV series days. Season 8 was all about the massive magic-fueled battles, so it was nice to see some Buffy-vs-baddie one-on-one.

Of course, this isn't the same world from Buffy the TV series, and the way the fight ended reflected that perfectly. If this were, say, Season 5, Buffy's friends would have bailed her out, probably with a big magical assist from Willow. But Buffy's friends are dwindling in number, and Willow isn't Witchy anymore, which is why Buffy needed a more Earthbound bailout.

I did think making Severin just a tool, and not the real big bad, was a bit of a letdown, but moving things back toward Buffy vs. Simone makes sense. Also, I do like that Simone tried to weaken Buffy before taking her on, since there's no chance A slayer (even one as evil and focused as Simone) could realistically take out THE slayer.

As for those subtle character moments, I loved Xander and Dawn's reaction upon seeing the news, and the reaction by the roommates was tinged with Whedony dialogue. And the stuff with Buffy and Willow at the end felt a lot like the interactions between Angel and Faith at the end of their first issue, just minus the giant sweeping proclamation. I can't help but wonder if Buffy's quest to help Willow and Angel's quest to resurrect Giles will end up tying into each other.

Score: 4.5 out of 5 (only knocking off half a point because I thought the scene with Spike and the demon kind of dragged)

The Dwindling '90s

On Monday, both Antonio McDyess and Peja Stojakovic called it quits, choosing to bring an end to their long NBA careers. McDyess entered the NBA in 1995 as the No. 2 overall pick, while Peja followed a year later, picked 14th overall.

With their retirements, the number of players whose careers began in the '90s dwindled even further. There is not a single player left in the NBA who was drafted prior to 1994. The last one was Shaquille O'Neal, the top pick in the 1992 draft, who retired following the 2010-11 season. The last player from the '93 draft was Lindsey Hunter, who hung 'em up following his release by the Chicago Bulls in 2010 (he immediately joined the team as a coach).

That means the most experienced current NBA players joined the league in 1994. There are three of them left: Jason Kidd, Grant Hill and Juwan Howard, all of whom were top-five picks in 1994 and all of whom are on the final year of their contracts. It's entirely possible that the 2011-12 season will mark the end of the road for the last draft class that was not subject to rookie contracts.

The 1995 draft class has even fewer players left than '94, assuming Jerry Stackhouse doesn't stick with the Hawks and Lakers free agents Joe Smith and Theo Ratliff remain unsigned. No. 2 overall pick Kurt Thomas is currently with the Blazers and No. 5 pick Kevin Garnett is in Boston. Amazingly, Thomas is the one whose contract extends beyond this season, while Garnett could become a free agent in the summer of 2012 -- though no one expects him to retire just yet.

Stojakovic's retirement leaves six players from the 1996 NBA Draft currently signed to contracts and active in the NBA: Marcus Camby, Ray Allen, Kobe Bryant, Jermaine O'Neal, Steve Nash and Derek Fisher. While Kobe should be around awhile longer, I don't think it'd surprise anyone if this was the final season for players like Camby, O'Neal and Fisher, while Allen and Nash are also playing out the final year of their respective contracts. The "draft" class of 1996 also includes Ben Wallace, who was undrafted that year but has managed to hang around in the NBA, though, again, he's in the final year of his contract.

Like '96, the 1997 NBA Draft has just six players left in the league, and most of them are in the final year of their contracts. That group includes a pair of Finals MVPs (Tim Duncan and Chauncey Billups) a journeyman center (Tony Battie) and wings of varying quality (Tracy McGrady, Anthony Parker, Stephen Jackson). Only Captain Jack is signed beyond this season, but he doesn't even seem interested in playing out his current contract, so our '90s numbers could dwindle even further.

By the time we get to the 1998 draft, we get a mild jump in the number of signed players, if not in the talent level. Going in draft order, the players left from 1998 are Mike Bibby, Antawn Jamison, Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, Paul Pierce, Al Harrington, Nazr Mohammed and Rashard Lewis. Dirk and Pierce are locked up through 2013-14 and Harrington is signed through 2014-15 for some reason, while the others will be looking for new jobs (either as players or TV analysts) next summer. There are also still two undrafted players from '98 hanging around: Anthony Carter and Brad Miller, both of whom are on expiring deals.

Add it all up, and the 1994 through 1998 drafts -- during which a combined 286 players were selected -- represent just 25 (28 if you include the undrafted players) of the 450 available roster spots in the NBA, and only six of them have contractual obligations beyond this season.

Those 28 players represent the last on-court connection to the lockout of 1998-99. They're the small group that had their careers interrupted not once, but twice (well, in the case of the '98 draft picks, it was a delay, not an interruption, but the point stands), losing a combined 48 games to work stoppages.

Through the entire 2011 lockout, I'd always assumed there were more players who'd experienced the previous one, but it makes sense that there were so few, because 13 seasons is an ETERNITY in the NBA. There are Hall-of-Famers who didn't play that many seasons, and plenty of good-but-not-quite-great players who don't come close to that. Hell, Eddie Jones, a multiple-time All-Star selected the same year as Kidd, Hill and Howard, has already been out of the league for three seasons. Raef LaFrenz, the player selected between Bibby and Jamison in '98, has been done for two years now.

As we go forward over the next few seasons, it'll be interesting to track who our last double-lockout player will be. The obvious money is on Kobe, but don't count Dirk out either (and of course, there's always Al Harrington's absurd contract to think about). Still, I wouldn't count on any of them being around when we get to 2017 and the next lockout... I mean "labor negotiation".

Jersey Monday: Terrell Owens

Monday Night Football Match-up: Pittsburgh Steelers at San Francisco 49ers


I almost forgot to do Jersey Monday again this week, but if the 49ers can forget to pay their electric bill, then I think you can forgive me for being a few hours late on this post.

If you know me, you'd probably be expecting this to be a Steelers jersey post, but I've already shown off most of my Steelers jerseys in this series, and I plan on them reaching the Super Bowl this season, so I need to save the last one that hasn't been posted.

This Terrell Owens jersey is one of three 49ers jerseys I own, but the only one that isn't the Deion Sanders 75th anniversary edition. My mother got this for me when she went on a trip to San Francisco during Owens' final season with the team. Since he ended up in Philadelphia shortly after I got this jersey, it didn't get worn too often and it's still in pretty good condition (as you can probably tell from the photo).

It's easy to forget because of all his weird antics over the years, but Owens' numbers put him up there among the most productive receivers of all-time. He's sixth in career receptions, second in receiving yards and tied for second in receiving touchdowns. Obviously, Owens played in a more pass-friendly era than some of the great receivers that preceded him, but his numbers are undeniable.

Jersey Monday will continue every Monday until I run out of jerseys to spotlight. And since I’ve got more than 150 of them, that could be awhile. For the remainder of the NFL season, Jersey Monday will feature one of the teams playing on Monday Night Football.

The Heart of the Matter

The heart is a muscle.

It's easy to forget that, given the kind of language we usually use when talking about basketball. "Muscle" is used mostly as a synonym for physical strength. A player grabs an offensive rebound and muscles it back up. Countless players add 15 pounds of muscle in the offseason. Kevin Durant's lack of muscle was considered his primary weakness prior to the 2007 NBA Draft.

"Heart" is treated differently. It's a metaphor for a kind of intangible desire. Players who hustle, but lack the pure athletic abilities of someone like LeBron James, are said to play with "a lot of heart." A player can be called the "heart" of his team. When a player makes a buzzer-beating shot to cap a huge comeback, he's said to have ripped the "heart" out of his opponent.

But the heart isn't an intangible thing. It's a physical object, a muscle just like a calf, quad or bicep. And like those other muscles, it's capable of getting injured.

The last few days have served as a sobering reminder of that, as both Jeff Green and Chuck Hayes will be forced to miss the entire 2011-12 NBA season due to heart problems that were discovered during physical exams required as part of their new contracts.

As a basketball fan, I'm old enough to remember the horrifying image of Hank Gathers crumbling to the floor in a West Coast Conference tournament game. In fact, the subsequent NCAA Tournament -- when Bo Kimble shot the first free throw of every game left-handed as a tribute to his fallen teammate -- is the first one I truly remember watching. It was just three years later when Celtics star Reggie Lewis collapsed during a playoff game against the Hornets, then died later that summer after suffering cardiac arrest during an offseason practice.

More recently, Jason Collier died during the summer of 2005 due to an enlarged heart, Cuttino Mobley was forced to retire in 2008 due to a heart problem and Robert Traylor died earlier this year due to an apparent heart attack.

Heart problems are nothing to mess around with, and we can only hope that Green and Hayes will be fine long-term and be able to resume their careers next season.

This can also serve as a helpful wakeup call for those who've been putting off a physical or getting a health problem checked out. I bring that up only because I'd recently been doing so, until this past weekend when I'd experienced chest pains that were finally bad enough that I couldn't ignore them. I had blood work done, along with X-rays and a CT scan, and the whole time I was thinking of Green, who at that point was still being held out due to what was then an undisclosed health issue.

As it turned out, my chest pains were caused not by a heart problem, but, ironically enough, by a strained pectoral muscle. But the outcome could have certainly been much worse, as the situations with Green and Hayes remind us.

Jersey "Monday": Joey Galloway

Monday Night Football Matchup: St. Louis Rams at Seattle Seahawks

Well, I totally spaced on posting a jersey this Monday for Jersey Monday. Why? Well, maybe because this wasn't exactly the most compelling of Monday Night Football matchups. Last year this was a battle for the NFC West, as sad as that may have been (both teams finished 7-9), but with the resurgence of the San Francisco 49ers this season, neither team is in line to do much of anything.

I chose to spotlight the Seahawks this week well in advance of the game, so this isn't just me picking the winner. I actually own two Seahawks jerseys, and one of them is of the current style, but I'm showing this Joey Galloway replica from the late '90s because the current Seahawks jerseys are horrid and they never should have changed from the style pictured here.

In large part because I have this jersey, I've always associated Galloway with the Seahawks, even though he only played five of his 16 NFL seasons with the team. Yes, that's tied for his longest stint with any team, but his highest profile years came in Dallas and his actual most productive years came in Tampa Bay (let's pretend his stops in New England and Washington never happened... it's for the best).

2011 is actually Galloway's first season out of the league since he was drafted, but because of those dismal years with the Pats and 'Skins, and a disappointing final season in Tampa, it feels like he's been gone for longer. His last truly meaningful year came in 2007. He finished his career with 701 receptions for more than 10,000 yards, but somehow never made the Pro Bowl. I really have no idea how that happened, outside of a stacked receiver pool throughout his career.

Jersey Monday will continue every Monday until I run out of jerseys to spotlight. And since I’ve got more than 150 of them, that could be awhile. For the remainder of the NFL season, Jersey Monday will feature one of the teams playing on Monday Night Football.

Being Erica "Dr. Erica" Reaction

Note: this review has spoilers for the series finale of "Being Erica". If you haven't seen the episode yet and don't want to be spoiled on some major plot developments in the final episode, please look away and come back later. Thanks!

"Everything that has a beginning has an ending."

That was the opening line of Monday's episode of "Being Erica" and it was appropriate, since the episode represented the ending of the series, and the ending of a lot of character journies -- but also a fair set of new beginnings too.

"Dr. Erica" was, at its core, about Erica's final step on the journey to being a Doctor, and Dr. Tom's first step out of that life into a new post-Doctor existence. The two stories were as tied together as the two characters have been throughout the four seasons of the show, and they each played the role of final roadblock for each other. Erica didn't feel like she was ready to be a Doctor and wanted to fall back on leaning on Dr. Tom, while Dr. Tom was hesitant to give up being a Doctor because he thought Erica still needed him.

It was clear that neither was going to move on until they realized they both needed to, and they got that help -- or, at least Erica did -- from a surprising source, Leo.

All I Want For Christmas is The NBA

Enjoy this video, featuring Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" and highlights of the Celtics, Knicks, Heat, Mavericks, Bulls, Lakers, Magic, Thunder, Clippers and Warriors, the 10 teams who'll be opening the NBA season this Christmas.

Community "Regional Holiday Music" Reaction

The ongoing one-sided feud "Community" has going with "Glee" has popped up a few times throughout the show's two-plus seasons, starting with an off-handed reference by Joel McHale's Jeff in Season 1, escalating to a mocking encounter with Greendale's own glee club in the first paintball episode and then striking gold with Season 2's "Paradigms of Human Memory" ("We won, like, 70 awards!").

The "Glee" mocking came to a head with Thursday's episode, "Regional Holiday Music", which started out as one of the best that "Community" has done, but thanks to a weak third act, settled for being merely good as "Community" heads into its hiatus.

The episode started out with Greendale's glee club -- on the verge of both Regionals and the school's holiday pageant -- getting shut down, thanks to a call to ASCAP by Jeff (and I love that recently the show has remembered that Jeff not only used to be a lawyer, but a really good one. His legal skills played a key role in "Documentary Filmmaking: Redux" and got the ball rolling Thursday). That of course led to Dean Pelton and the glee club director Mr. Radisson (call him "Mr. Rad") recruiting the study group to replace the glee club again, with a series of musical performances.

The episode itself was filled with lots of in-jokes and references that only people who are familiar with both "Community" and "Glee" would get. For example, the shortening of Mr. Radisson's name to Mr. Rad isn't just dorky, it mimics how everyone on "Glee" calls Mr. Schuester "Mr. Schu". The constant references to "regionals" (and Pierce's confusion over what exactly that meant) mocked the importance "Glee" places on the show choir competition structure. And Annie's "sexy baby Santa" dance took on both Lea Michele's weird sexuality on "Glee" and Annie's own tendency to overdo it on the "school girl" thing. Not to mention the musical cues and the appearance of the study room (complete with silent, bearded piano player).

The first two acts of the show, as one-by-one the study group decided to join the glee club, were great. The musical numbers, tailored to each character, struck just the right balance between purely entertaining and mockingly sarcastic, and there were plenty of moments where the show hit on exactly the right comedic notes. But the third act felt rushed and very un-"Community" like. Yes, not many shows would go as dark as having it turn out that the glee club director was behind the bus crash that killed the last glee club (previously referenced in Season 2), but "Community" has done darker, and better. The group's sudden jumping to Britta's defense was weird too; she's been called "the worst" by plenty of people outside the group in the past, with no intervention whatsoever. It wasn't bad, per se, it's just that after two acts, I felt like this was shaping up to be one of the best episodes ever, and it ended up falling short of that status.

Plus, most of the best lines from the episode came from the early parts. Let's take a look:

How I Met Your Mother "Symphony of Illumination" Reaction

Through six-plus seasons, "How I Met Your Mother" has established a handful of recurring storytelling techniques, some with more success than others. The obvious one is the wrapper within the entire show takes place: "Future" Ted telling the story to his future kids via flashback. Last night's episode, "Symphony of Illumination", mocked that formula by having "Future" Robin narrate the events to her future kids, only that was a set-up for the show's new favorite recurring storytelling technique: the depressing twist ending.

The main story of the episode had Robin telling her future kids (who appeared to be sitting in Barney's apartment) the story of how she "met" their father, only in true Robin-mocking-Ted fashion, she skipped right ahead to the part where she told Barney she was pregnant. She obviously didn't want the pregnancy (to the horror of the "future" kids), and was happy when she found out from her OB/GYN that she wasn't actually pregnant. Only that led to the revelation that Robin is physically unable to have kids.

She tried to play that off like it didn't matter, but it obviously bothered her. That twist, in the middle of the episode, would have been super depressing, if not for the narrative device of Robin talking to her kids. It made me, as a viewer, prepare for the twist at the end where it would turn out that Robin could have kids, and this was all designed to make her realize she wanted them.

Only "How I Met Your Mother" isn't about uplifting happy twists anymore. No, the show's writers seem determined to impress one lesson upon its viewers: life always sucks and whatever the worst thing that can happen is, something worse than that will happen. So it turns out that Robin's "narration" to her "future kids" was actually her sitting in the park, drinking and talking to the kids she'd never have. And yes, I know there was a follow-up scene that was supposed to make things kind of uplifting, but all I could concentrate on was the fact that while Future Ted was listing off all the things Robin would become in her life, "mother" wasn't among them.

Jersey Monday: Jeff Lageman

Monday Night Football Matchup: San Diego Chargers at Jacksonville Jaguars

There are two obvious questions to be asked here:

- Why are the Jaguars on Monday Night Football?
- Why do you own a Jeff Lageman jersey?

I can't answer the first one -- Jacksonville was bad last year and wasn't expected to be good this year either -- but I kind of have an answer for the second one.

Most of the earliest NFL jerseys I got were of players I really liked. And most of the recent ones I've purchased have also been in that category. But there's a swath of my collection in the middle that fell squarely in the "I'm trying to get a jersey from every team, so I'll settle for this guy" category. Lageman is probably the perfect example of that. He was a perfectly serviceable defensive end for the Jets and Jaguars, carving himself out a nice 10-year career in which he had 47 sacks. But he wasn't really a "star", nor was he the kind of player where anyone outside of the Jacksonville area would be like "man, I really want a Jeff Lageman jersey".

I got this jersey in 1997, Lageman's last full year in the NFL (he only played one game in 1998 due to injury). I was at a Buccaneers-Bears game in Tampa Bay, where I'd already purchased a Bucs jersey before the game. As my dad and I were leaving, we saw a merchandise tent that was clearing out a whole bunch of stuff, including jerseys from around the league. It was the end of the season, so the pickings were slim, but I did spot this Lageman jersey. It was marked down even further from the initial end-of-season sale price, because there was a minor printing error on the TV numbers, and some of the gold outline was bleeding into the white number. I didn't care, I just wanted a Jaguars jersey, and with this one being so cheap, I couldn't pass it up.

I remember when the Jaguars changed their number font from this block style to their unique style, I wanted to add another Jags jersey to my collection, but I never got around to it. Now that they have a jersey with weirdly bland styling, I really don't have any interest in updating the Jags slot in my collection.  I figure I'll get around to it when they move to L.A. in a couple years.

Jersey Monday will continue every Monday until I run out of jerseys to spotlight. And since I’ve got more than 150 of them, that could be awhile. For the remainder of the NFL season, Jersey Monday will feature one of the teams playing on Monday Night Football.

Charmed Comic Review: Issue #16 - The Heavens Can Wait

PLOT SUMMARY


Again, because this issue features split stories, I'll summarize them separately rather than go page-by-page. In the book themselves, the narrative flips back and forth.


CHARMED ONES: At magic school, one of the teachers -- Bailey -- runs to Leo saying she's found the origin of the sword that gave him mysterious new powers. She's tracked a descendant of the maker of the sword to Nepal, where Leo plans on going alone, but The Charmed Ones have already shown up at magic school to intervene. They agree to all go together. When they arrive in Nepal, they're blocked by two giant doors. Phoebe knocks to open them, and they're immediately greeted by heavy artillery. Paige creates an orb shield around the four of them, and Piper uses molecular manipulation to move the air around them, flying the orb shield across a veritable battlefield. They get to the armory, where the woman there immediately recognizes the Empyreal Sword. She says it must have united with whatever part of Leo was still whitelighter, because that's who it was originally intended for. When the Elders first came up with the idea of Whitelighters they had two models: avenging angels (with swords and wings) and guides. The heavens debated which was the right path, and ultimately they decided on guides, locking away the prototype sword for the avenging angels. Now that Leo's used it, every time he uses it, it will drain some of his life force, but the woman will try and separate the wings from the sword.

COLE: Patience -- the blonde woman from Salem we met in the last issue -- is talking on the phone and finishing up at the witch house when Cole knocks on the door. She tells him they're closed and shuts the door, but he's already inside. He says he knows she's Prue, and more importantly she knows she's Prue. He explains that Patty and Grams sent him, and they want to know why she disappeared, and that he needs to do this to free his soul. She tells the story of the prophecy of the power of three, and how her death prevented the prophecy from being fulfilled. She arrived in the upper realms and was reunited with her family, and Andy, but part of her was trapped between life and death. She thought helping Paige into her powers would fulfill the prophecy but her connection to the Warren line meant they couldn't realize their full powers. She was still holding them back, so she found a body whose soul had already been collected and "sort of... took over." Reunited with a body, Prue/Patience could feel herself and her sisters getting stronger. But she can't reunite with them, because the prophecy doesn't call for a "power of four", and she could weaken them, or destroy them altogether. Prue/Patience asks Cole to keep her secret, because he's the only one who knows it. He says that's not entirely true...

CONNECTION: On the final page, the stories connect. Bailey reports the discovery of Sarah (the girl Prue/Patience was mentoring in the last issue) to Paige, who is putting together a list of new students for magic school. Paige says she'll start tracking down the kids on the list tomorrow, but first she has to take her kids home. Bailey says "Yes, family time is so very important." in a speech bubble that's shared with Rennek, who's looking on with the Seer and apparently controlling Bailey with some kind of stone.

REVIEW